When David Met Goliath

Before coming to Japan, I enrolled in the Genki Japanese and Culture School for a 6 week intensive course on Japanese. My goal for coming to Japan was to become an English teacher, but learning a little Japanese probably wouldn't hurt my ability to enjoy the country. I wanted to get the most out of my time at Genki, so like the technologically reliant boy that I am, I Googled “how to learn Japanese in Japan.”

As a quick aside, I just wanted to note here that I literally Google everything (how to organize a refrigerator, how to do laundry in cold/hot/warm water, really basic things). I don't do it because I don't know how, but usually you can improve your own methods based on the suggestions of others. I highly recommend it.

Anyways, back to learning Japanese. Amongst suggestions to hit on as many Japanese women as humanly possible to obtain a girlfriend, there were many more legitimate ideas. Most notably, go to izakayas (Japanese bars) by yourself. Japanese people are very shy, but once they've had a bit to drink, they become much more open and willing to talk to foreigners because, honestly, the chance to talk to foreigners doesn't come by often for the average Japanese person.

So, armed with this precious technique, I was off to Japan to do whatever it was I hoped to accomplish. Two weeks into my studies, with a bicycle as my steed, I would ride home every night to my dormitory in a zig-zag pattern through the city, looking for divey-bars that seemed inviting. Though this had become regular practice for me, the act of entering a Japanese bar is quite stressful for the less outgoing of us. For starters, everything is in Japanese (which I still can't read well). Also, all windows are frosted past the point of obscurity, so you cannot gauge in the least the amicability of the people inside. Despite this, after finding a bar, becoming scared, riding my bike around the block once (twice) I worked up the courage to slide open the door, walk in and...

Be met by the stunned looks of the only three customers, bartender and even the cook in the back. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to slowly back out of the bar and slide the door shut behind me, but I had already untied my shoes in preparation to take them off and was worried I would trip. So I stayed.

If my ability to speak Japanese has any strengths, I would certainly say pronunciation is my strong suit. However, I suppose the nerves got to me and I proceeded to sound like a babbling idiot that I'm sure no speaker of any language could understand. Despite this, I was effectively able to tell them that I like vegetables (none specifically, because I didn't know the Japanese for any at the time). Also, I ordered the only drink I knew of in Japan, which is the especially feminine plum-wine soda known as Ume-shu.

Apparently, I must have been endearingly foolish because everyone seemed to take to my presence pretty well, laughing and asking me the few basic questions I was familiar with. At the time, I was sitting at the bar, and the only other three customers were sitting at a table, obscured by a wooden pillar. They were asking me a few questions, but it was often interrupted by the series of head-jukes we had to perform to make eye contact with one another. That very day, I had learned how do use a verb and turn it into a polite request, so I rose from my seat, walked over to them and asked if I could sit down.

Even if they didn't want me to sit, Japanese people are too polite to say no. Luckily, I think they grew to like me, as I went through just about every single Japanese word, phrase or grammar point I knew in an effort to make conversation. Shortly, though, I learned that these three men were, in order, the vice president, the guy under him, and the guy under him for the Fukuoka city Yomiuri Newspaper.

Quick business lesson: The Yomiuri Newspaper has three branch offices, one of which is in Fukuoka. Also, it is the most highly circulated newspaper in the world, a bit more than double that of the New York Times. Sure, that's probably because they print papers twice a day, but it's still an impressive number!

Suffice to say, I just spent an hour having elementary school-level conversations with, arguably, the most powerful people I've ever met. Apparently, though, they saw something they liked in me, and decided to invite me to meet them for dinner the next week after work.

If only I knew then where that handshake would lead me!

I would love to share more of this story right now, but in the hopes that you've been interested up to this point, I've got to leave you wanting more.

If what you have read so far has made you smile, appreciate Japan or conjured any sort of positive emotion. Please consider donating to the Japanese Red Cross. The stories I am writing might not have anything to do with the earthquake or those affected (not yet, at least), but everything I am doing, I wouldn't be if it weren't for my desire to help the Red Cross. Donate and/or learn more at the top of this page!